Last Sunday we were teaching John 10 and were discussing the part where Jesus stated, “I am the good shepherd.”
I was explaining how sometimes a shepherd has to fend off the wolves, lions, and bears in those days and could even die protecting his sheep. This was behind Jesus’ repeated statements that He had laid down His life for the sheep.
When I finished, a young nine-year-old boy, said he did not understand that idea. “Why would you die for the sheep? “Then he said, “Honestly, I would let the sheep die because I would want to live on.”
Then his friend Caleb said, “Yeah, they’re probably going to kill some of them and eat them anyway!” An amazing discussion ensued and deep inside I was overjoyed.
Both boys had said what they actually thought and did not resort to the “right answer” approach. This is due, in part, to create a relational environment that frees children to say what they really think.
We have developed great relationships among the children and the leaders have worked hard, myself included, to do the same. When you build a solid relational foundation with and among the boys and girls, God works in amazing ways.
While there are many qualities to a relational children’s ministry, today we will focus on two that have served me well and that I have taught to many children’s workers around the world.
Modeling What We Teach
Understanding the importance of our modeling is the bedrock for effective relational ministry.
Simply stated—and as every parent knows—children follow our example. Granted, God has surely done some amazing transformative work in all of us since we put our faith in Jesus, but much to our frustration, sins do linger.
(If you don’t recognize any sin in yourself, know that you—and you are not alone! —are suffering from the sin of denial 😊).
A quick temper, sarcasm, mumbling under our breath, driving too aggressively, clamming up in conflict, ignoring people, watching too many sports programs, spending too much time on looks, talking back, being argumentative—you get the idea. Those very qualities that we battle are qualities we see in our children.
And where did they learn those attitudes and behaviors? We need only look at ourselves. An example from my own life dates back to 1969 and Woodstock.
Shortly after that infamous one-of-a-kind concert, my older brother secured a recording of the music. It was the days of vinyl 33-LP’s which dates me!
Despite knowing exactly what my dad thought about rock’n’roll in general and about Woodstock in particular, Steve slipped it into the house. One afternoon before Dad got home, Steve put on the album and dropped the needle on Jimi Hendrix’s rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
It was epic guitar playing, but it wasn’t very faithful to the Francis Scott Key original. We had it blaring full blast when we discovered Dad at the door, home early because he was feeling a bit ill.
Now, Dad was a World War II veteran, very patriotic, and extremely protective of the symbols that represent the country he and others had fought and died for. He barked out, “That’s not music! That’s trash! Men died for that song.”
He immediately stepped to the record player and confiscated the album. Then he went into his room and took a nap. I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself, I will never be like that. I will be open-minded about new music when I have kids.
Forty years later, we were living in Poland, and my daughter was playing some euro-techno Christian music from England. It was blaring full bore when I drove up to our house.
I could hear it as I stood outside, and I was sure our neighbors would not be happy. Not only was the “music” loud, but it also sounded awful. My first thought was, That is horrible music. Then I corrected myself: That’s not even music!
I went straight to Brittany’s bedroom: “Turn down that techno-euro whatever-you-call-it because it’s not even music!”
Fortunately, I didn’t confiscate anything, and things settled down. But as the words, “That’s not music!” came out of my mouth, my mind immediately flew back to 1969 and I thought, Oh my! I’ve become my dad! The power of modeling!
Yet because modeling can be positive as well as negative, it is one of a children’s worker’s most important resources. But how many of us think on Saturday night or Sunday morning, I’m going in with the five-year-olds to model what I’m teaching?
This is exactly what we’ll think when we are focused on relational ministry. We will want to model what we teach.
Our living out the concept will be evident; children will easily see that we are an example of what we teach.
Being a great model for children with whom we’ve developed a relationship can make up for the occasional weak lessons and teaching mistakes.
One final word on modeling. Modeling isn’t being perfect. It’s setting an example including forgiveness. Children know we’re not perfect. We can model our own need for repentance, forgiveness, and grace.
Serving Children With Teamwork
Effective relational ministry requires a team approach. Simply stated, when teachers are part of a team, children will see in our love for each other that we are Christ-followers.
Yet at many churches I know, especially churches in Africa, people work all by themselves with large groups of children. Once I watched a Ugandan member of our staff attempt to minister singlehandedly to a group of 50+ children. I’ve also spoken to many teachers who have classes of over 75 children without a single partner.
Not only do these vastly outnumbered teachers lack the opportunity to build relationships that allow them to model the Christian life, but the children also miss out on the chance to see the love of Christ played out between the workers themselves.
In our relationships with fellow leaders, children get to see patience, kindness, cooperation, forgiveness, and so many of the characteristics of Christlike love. We model those traits when we serve on teams.
Ministry teams appear to be a given in the New Testament. In fact, in my reading, the only time I find someone working alone is when Philip addresses the Ethiopian eunuch (Acts 8:26-40). So, I can’t encourage you enough: Do not be alone as you serve children!
I also believe that this partnership is a perfect place to get teenagers or even older children involved in ministry with other leaders. I know many children’s workers who started teaching children when they were twelve or thirteen years old.
An older leader took them under their wing, brought them onto a team, and taught them how to teach. Relational children’s ministry really is all about teams.
One word about the term team, though. Most of the time when churches use the word team—and it’s used a lot—the word refers to serving together to accomplish some ministry objective.
We have teaching teams, worship teams, usher teams, and other such ministry teams. Here, though, I’m not talking about teamwork aimed at getting something done.
I’m talking about teams of children’s workers who build relationships with groups of children and with one another. While spending time with those teams, children can see Christian love among their leaders as well as in the demonstration of their love to the children.
Closing Thoughts
When we focus on modeling and teamwork, we begin creating a relational environment for children. This is not as easy as it would first appear.
Even this last weekend as I headed into my room, I was thinking about the experiential activity, resources need for the actual Bible truth time, the discussion questions, and the supplies for the response activity.
I was not thinking about how I could model Jesus as my Good Shepherd, and ways that I could model “following” Him that morning. And, I have taught this lesson for forty years!!!
Relational ministry doesn’t just happen. It takes intentionality and focus, myself included. However, when we create that warm relational environment, the Holy Spirit moves in life-transforming ways among the boys, girls, and leaders.