Last week we looked at some of the qualities of relational children’s ministry and this week we finish up.
These are three of my favorites, not just for a relational ministry approach but for children’s ministry in general; unconditional love, pastoring, and being like a child.
Unconditional Love
Unconditional love is so huge, especially for the wayward children and the overachievers.
I was one of those boys who was pretty ornery. I remember the Sunday School teacher’s countenance drop when she saw me walk up to the room. It was the same look I saw at school. Church should be different. There is no mandate to express unconditional love at Jury Elementary School, but there certainly is the in the church.
Relational children’s ministry oozes unconditional love. No matter what any child has said, done, or thought, we love them because we are committed to them.
To put it another way, all that stuff I wrote about 1 Corinthians 13, we offer to children without limits or conditions. They need to know—we need to communicate—that there’s absolutely nothing they can do to stop us from loving them.
I know this call to love unconditionally isn’t a news flash for children’s ministry workers, but it is challenging to implement. One reason is, there are two kinds of children in this world: those who misbehave… and those who don’t.
Children can move from one group to the other and back again countless times, but children in both groups need our unconditional love. Allow me to explain.
Many children with behavior issues are craving attention, but sometimes other issues are influencing their behavior. As for my disobedience, I was ornery and had a hardy sin nature!
Other children have problems at home, difficulties with siblings, challenges at school, or issues with sports. Maybe there’s an underlying physical matter or a learning disability, and the child has to deal with pain or frustration. Whatever fuels the disobedience, all these children are crying out for unconditional love.
The obedient children have this same need for unconditional love. You see, kids who appear to have it all together have often been sent the message, intended or not, that love for them is based on their continued good behavior.
Children who always follow the rules in your class are susceptible to the notion that your love is conditioned upon their being good. They need to experience unconditional love.
The challenge for children’s workers is to love all children unconditionally. Period.
Pastoring
When we think of the word Pastor, we think of a title or a person leading in a church. They preach, counsel, do weddings and funerals and can teach the Bible at any moment!
When the Bible uses the word “pastor” it is usually a gift (Ephesians 4:11-12) or function (I Peter 5:2-3). The gift and function are about equipping the people of God and caring for them; this includes children.
Children need their leaders to be pastors. The idea that the pastor is the person preaching the Bible message is too narrow. Pastors also lead and care for our church community. In some countries, pastors visit us when we are sick at home or in the hospital.
I believe that God would have us view ourselves and serve as pastors to our children. As pastors—or maybe shepherds is a less intimidating word—we can do some of the following: and when we do, we are building a relational children’s ministry.
Feed the Children Spiritually
Provide them with solid Bible Truth that the Holy Spirit can use to change their life. One of a shepherd’s primary responsibilities is feeding the lambs. This is ideally done in partnership with the children’s parent(s) whenever possible.
Be Like a Mother
Be like a mother to our children, nurturing, caring, and concerned about whatever is going on in their life as well as about their feelings, worries, sorrows, and joys. Children need to know that we care deeply not only about them but also about what’s happening in their life.
Protect Boys and Girls
Provide a safe haven when they are at church and with church people. Properly screen workers, monitor access to facilities, and do whatever else might make the children feel safe and secure.
Pray For Children
When we have developed a relationship with our children, we know how to pray for them. Praying for specific boys and girls binds our hearts to them.
Simply stated, being a pastor means being concerned about the children themselves.
Becoming a Child
Finally, and most naturally for me, children’s workers need to take and incarnational approach to their ministry.
Meaning, we should leave our sophisticated adult world and enter into the world of the children we love. I have found four effective ways to become like a child.
Humor
Children love having fun and many of them have a well of joy inside. Humor, laughing, telling funny stories and jokes engages children.
Last week, someone had a birthday in our class and we went around to share our ages. I asked the group how old they thought I was. Answers ranged from “born in the 1800’s”, to “120 years old”. I feigned the pain and we all laughed together.
I remember the children’s worker who asked the boys why gorillas had such large noses? Because, they have large fingers. Not your traditional pulpit humor but funny to a group of boys.
Playing
Most boys and girls like to play, encompassing a great many games and activities. Joining them and not standing around watching them is a key to becoming like a child.
I understand that age, physical issues may pose a challenge, but I am certain that children love their leaders having fun with them in a game and/or activity. This is one of the many ways that children’s ministry differs from school.
Caring
So often adults are dismissive or condescending when dealing with children and their problems.
As adults we tend to see a child’s challenges and problems in the light of our adult world cares and concerns. When a child cries because their craft project is a “flop” we may get caught thinking that the art project flop is not so serious in light of the current war raging in Ukraine!
This is a great mistake. Becoming like a child means leaving my world of cares and concerns and focusing on theirs. Whatever, issue they face for them it is significant and it should be for me as well.
Be a Learner
Becoming like a child means taking a learning posture. In so many adult/child relationships the adult is the teacher and the child is the learner.
When we become like children we learn about their families, school, siblings, popular songs, television shows, video games and their world.
We also can put ourselves in a position to learn spiritual truths from children. In fact, some of the greatest truths I have learned as an adult, were taught to me by children.
Many of us who think of ourselves as teachers spend a considerable amount of time on the teaching materials. The lesson plan—or whatever methodology we use—becomes our primary focus, which is a focus on the mind of the child.
If we can get them to understand what we teach, then mission accomplished! EGM’s informal research indicates that the relationships we build with the children we teach is equally as important as what we are teaching.
The fact is effective teaching and relational ministry are woven together.
The Lifeblood of Ministry
Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to be with thousands of children’s ministry leaders from many countries.
Early on in my ministry life, I discovered that a vast majority of them had been in a church that had a great ministry to children. When these now-teachers grew up, they realized they had a love for children and the desire to serve Christ by serving children.
As part of my informal research, I also asked what these leaders remembered about their own experience in Sunday school or other church programs for kids.
Of the thousands of teachers, I’ve asked in my forty years of ministry, I have never had any one of them tell me they remembered a killer lesson plan. I haven’t heard even one single person say anything about the materials taught to them or the creativity of the teacher.
What I always hear is a story about someone who loved them and cared for them. I hear about folks like these:
- The teacher who always remembered my name and who, because she moved with my class every year, taught me from first grade through sixth grade
- David who gave me money to buy donuts between the services
- Margaret who sent me a birthday card
- Marla who organized a sleepover for a group of girls at church
Acts of relational ministry like these resonate in the hearts and minds of children. The lifeblood of effective, fruitful, and transformational ministry to children is relationship.
This weekend don’t settle for being a program manager, activity director or ministry coordinator. Be a relational children’s ministry leader.