Smooth Stone #4 – Closed to Open Discussion

I was walking across the field at a summer camp with Sheldon. There was nobody around so I decided to ask my standard children’s pastor question.

“Sheldon, how are you and God?”. He looked at me, and I could tell that Sheldon was deciding if he was going to be honest or just say what he thought I wanted to hear.

Fortunately, he chose the former and blurted out “I don’t really believe in God”. I remember having two conflicting thoughts rush into my mind.

First was sorrow that Sheldon did not have faith in the God who loved Sheldon and created him. Second, how amazing it was that he would be so honest and open with me and open the door for a real genuine, and authentic spiritual discussion.

Therein lies the dilemma for every children’s worker, teacher, and parent. Helping children not to say what we want to hear, so we will be happy and affirm them.

This dilemma has been created by children’s desire to please adults and the traditional school system’s emphasis on right/wrong answers.

Having worked with children for forty years, I believe this to be one of the great impediments to genuine spiritual transformation in the life of children. This is exactly what was on Moses mind in Deuteronomy 6:7 in the phrase “talk about them”.

Too many children grow up in church communities where the real questions and concerns they have about their faith are left unaddressed. They never have the opportunity or the courage to speak up and express themselves honestly.

“Talk about them” has been changed to “give the right answer to them”, leaving children doubting and questioning their faith.

Discussing the Word of God and the real life of children in an honest and open format is absolutely essential to transformational ministry. 

As we have noted this was evident in Deuteronomy 6, Paul’s missionary work, and the ministry of Jesus Christ. We also noted in Moses calling in Exodus 3-4 contains an amazing discussion facilitated by God Himself.

From this biblical mandate, there are several strategies for developing a genuine discussion with children, and one of them is the “closed to open” concept.

Moving from Closed Questions to Open-Ended Ones

Developing discussion questions that connect the Bible’s teaching to the real life of boys and girls involves thinking in terms of closed and open questions.

• Closed questions have a right answer and numerous wrong answers.
• Open questions do not have a specific right answer. 

As children develop cognitively, they progress from closed questions to open questions. (This methodology is a simplification of Bloom’s Taxonomy in many ways.)

Closed questions help the children’s worker evaluate the children’s level of comprehension. Closed questions also help reticent children gain confidence in sharing and participating in a discussion group.

Open questions help the children talk about the Bible Truth and their real-life just as Moses instructed the Israelites to do many generations ago.

The following table offers two examples:

Before you embark on this “closed to open” discussion, be advised that you will be entering into a ministry world that is not always clean and easy.

The right/wrong question world is clean and easy. Either the children get the right answer or they don’t. They either say the right thing or they don’t. 

When you begin asking “open-ended” questions you are inviting children to say what they really think.

This makes the children’s ministry leader's role more than affirming right answers and correcting wrong answers. It also opens the door to situations where the leader does not know the “right” answers and is positioned to give counsel and pastoral care.

Using this approach does introduce a certain amount of “messiness”. When children say what they really think there can be moments of awkwardness and even uncertainty.

This creates a situation where the leader may not have the right answer and pastoral care enters into the ministry. 

Three weeks ago, I was teaching about Jesus’ saying “I am the good shepherd”. The emphasis was on Jesus caring for His sheep and being willing to lay down His life to protect His Sheep.

During the discussion, two boys asked about their uncle. He was a godly man and close to his nephews. He had children and was happily married and active in his church. He contracted COVID-19 and died, leaving behind grief-stricken children and wife. They asked why Jesus had not protected their uncle. 

They shared their confusion over Jesus’ allowing their uncle, a sheep, to die, causing such pain and sorrow. We talked about pain and suffering, but it became quickly apparent that “right” understanding and doctrine would not alleviate the pain and sorrow they felt. A right understanding is important, but so much more significant was their need for loving pastoral care. 

Creating this kind of environment for children allows the Holy Spirit to work in deep meaningful ways that lead to life transformation.

This week, try incorporating the closed/open discussion format and see how God will unleash His transformative power!