Two things are generally true for children, regarding questions. Most of them have the right answer and they are usually asked by authority figures. This means that most answers to questions are either right or wrong.
It also means that your answer will affect your relationship with the authority figure. Most children are questioned by parents, teachers, coaches, and other adults. These are just a few:
- How did you sleep?
- What did you have for lunch today?
- Did you finish your homework?
- Why did you say that?
- How was school today?
- Are you ready for the match?
Most of these have an implied right answer and however the child answers, it will affect their own self-worth and their relationship with the one asking the question.
If you answer your teacher’s questions regarding homework with a “no,” it will affect your self-worth negatively and also have a negative effect on your relationship with your teacher.
This causes children to say what adults want to hear as well as boosts their own self-confidence. This is clearly evident in children’s ministry where children want to get the “right” answer and please their leader/teacher.
As we have noted, Deuteronomy 6:7 has a transformational children’s ministry gem summed up in three words, “talk about them.” This simple, but powerful injunction has been the foundation for small group discussion.
In this lesson element, we encourage children to “talk about” the Bible teaching and how it relates to their real life. We have typically focused on developing a set of “discussion” questions.
The questions are designed to help boys and girls connect the Bible teaching (Truth) to their real life.
Several years ago, Dr. Eric Evenhuis, a psychologist and supporter of Every Generation Ministries, introduced us to the idea of developing discussions with children without asking any questions.
It has been VERY helpful in ministry and also in my marriage. He identified two problems with questions:
- Children are conditioned to believe that all questions have right and wrong answers. No matter how hard you try to ask open-ended questions or those based on skills high on the Bloom’s Taxonomy hierarchy (Analysis, Synthesis, Evaluation), the children will be looking to give the right answer. The result is a barrier to genuine discussion of the Bible Truth and its relationship to real life.
- Asking a question will immediately create an authority hierarchy. When we ask questions, we may unintentionally put the person questioned on the defensive. Authority figures like police, parents, teachers and adults ask questions that are not designed to elicit genuine answers. Their questions ask for information, and they tend to generate a guarded response. The respondent will inevitably be careful how they answer.
Dr. Evenhuis suggested an approach to generating genuine discussion that actually avoids any questions. The idea is to invite the children to share and express their thoughts, concerns, doubts, and opinions.
The method has proven to be quite fascinating, as the following two examples illustrate:
Bible Passage | Lesson Aim | Discussion Questions |
|---|---|---|
John 11 | I can tell God how I feel. |
|
Daniel 3:16-18 | I can believe in God even when He doesn’t do what I ask. |
|
You can see that in each case, the “invitations” are not questions and they move from simple to more complicated. You can also see that they are moving from closed (right answer) to open (no right answer) and invite children to express themselves.
The discussion questions are replaced with “invitation” statements inviting children to say what is on their mind and not what is “right.” Before giving it a try we warn you that at first the children will most likely remain silent and not speak.
They are conditioned through life in general and school specifically to want to have the “right” answer. When a “right” answer is not apparent they clam up.
In addition, teachers are deeply conditioned to assess children’s knowledge-making closed questions essential. The small group discussion leader will have to train themselves to think about the discussion in a completely new way. This means drafting the questions ahead of time and using que cards.
The goal is to uncover what the children really think, to discover the challenges and fears they may have in applying God’s truth in their real life. There will be situations where the children’s concerns are complicated with no simple biblical answer and require prayer and a deeper searching of God’s Word for guidance.
This last Sunday I was teaching a lesson in our “I Am” series focusing on Jesus’ statement “I am the way, truth and life” (John 14:6) and our discussion was around the idea that Jesus is the “path” to the Father. In our discussions of how He leads us to the Father children shared about grace, believing, trust, obedience, faith and following.
One boy said that Jesus helps us find our way to the Father by helping us “not sin.” What followed was a discussion about repentance, sin, forgiveness and how we deal with repeated sin. Much of the discussion was children, responding to other children, giving me the chance to provide guidance and biblical reminders.
The entire process had been fueled by my invitation for children to share about how they believe Jesus provides a “way” or “path” to the Father. The children felt comfortable sharing with the group and with each other. I sensed no need among them to get the “right” answer or to please anyone. It was a real and genuine sharing and discussion.
This kind of environment does not appear in one Sunday but is created over time. Therefore, take your time, with patience and persistence. When you get the boys and girls to speak their mind and share their real-life struggles connected to the Bible teaching (Truth) you are in the fast lane on the transformational children’s ministry highway!
This weekend, experiment with leading a discussion group without questions, but rather through invitations to share. See how the Holy Spirit can work in the hearts and minds of children!